


Things That Squirm by Starlight

by cadmean



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Mild Blood, small law route spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 13:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11208702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadmean/pseuds/cadmean
Summary: Zelenin has seen her before, out of the corner of her eye.





	Things That Squirm by Starlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [axilet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/axilet/gifts).



Zelenin has seen her before, out of the corner of her eye.

Her new way of perceiving the world is a startling mess of colors and emotions, sound and the infinite silence of the heavens; an amalgamation of all too many planes of existence forced to stand still for the few brief seconds it takes her to observe them. It took a while to get used to it, Zelenin will readily admit that, but thanks to Mastema’s help she is now able to sort out all the impressions crashing down on her and organize them into something a bit more coherent. In the beginning conscious effort was necessary to understand everything but now, only a few days after her transformation, it feels as if Zelenin has never known anything but this strange way of perceiving the world.

As such, she initially dismisses the flashes of yellow and blue at the edges of her vision as the simple byproducts of a mind not yet quite accustomed to the input it is getting -- but while Zelenin grows ever more used to her new senses the flashes remain.

When she first sees the blots of color properly, Zelenin thinks it a fluke of her new vision as well. A startling flash of blue where none should be has her twisting her head unnaturally quick to catch sight-- of a girl, it turns out. A young girl. Zelenin forces herself to blink several times – and it is not blinking, but more a way of resetting her new intake of information but she supposes that old habits die hard, even where angels are concerned – but the girl is still there.

Her hair is paler than Zelenin’s own, and her face expressionless save for a small smile curling around the edges of her mouth. She appears to be wholly unfazed by the destruction around her, walking heedlessly over rubble with bare feet.

Most startlingly, the girl is wearing a blue dress.

The flash of color is so unexpected, especially among Antlia’s ever-burning flames and its grey battlefield, that it takes Zelenin a moment to properly comprehend what she is looking at.

It should be impossible, but—there the girl stands. The fact that she is walking around without a Demonica means that she is a demon, more likely than not, but even with that knowledge Zelenin can’t help but be intrigued.

While Zelenin is still trying to figure out how to best approach the situation, the girl raises a hand and gives her a slow, lazy wave.

And between one intake of breath and another, she vanishes.

 

* * *

 

Zelenin remembers, distantly, the rumors of a blonde young girl in a blue dress said to have walked the corridors of the Red Sprite.

She had written them off as stress-induced hallucinations when she had first heard of the sightings, but now she wonders.

 

* * *

 

Wherever she goes Zelenin keeps an eye out for the girl, but she proves to be elusive.

There had been a flash of light in Eridanus, close to the Vanishing Point, but when Zelenin turns towards it there’s nothing there to be seen but the strangely bright sky reflecting off of the floor.

In the ruins of Jack’s Squad’s camp, behind one of the over-turned piles of boxes, Zelenin had been certain that she had caught sight of pale skin clad in blue cotton but again: as soon as she consciously tries to look closer, all she sees is old bloodstains and splinters of wood.

In Fornax, there is another girl – but she is younger, and smaller, and decidedly less put-together than the girl Zelenin is looking for. She is accompanied by a rabbit and looking for her uncles, and though Zelenin initially tries to help her she soon realizes that both girl and rabbit are stuck in a cycle of death and rebirth that she can’t possibly penetrate.

 

* * *

 

When Zelenin does finally encounter the strange girl again, it is in Sector Grus. A previously pacified member of Jack’s Squad lies dead in the snow, blood pooling around and out from her back in a grotesque imitation of wings.

The strange girl in the blue dress is leaning over the body, and for a moment it looks to Zelenin as if she is trying to resuscitate the dead crew member – but then the girl kneels down next to the corpse, and Zelenin realizes with a start that her entire front is covered with blood.

“My child,” the girl whispers just loud enough for Zelenin to overhear. She watches silently as the girl’s mouth brushes the top of the dead soldier’s bloody head, appearing entirely unmindful of the gore she tracks across her own face in the process. “God had a plan for all of you but He, like the angels, abandoned you. I will not.”

Zelenin gasps and the girl, only now noticing her presence, spins around to face her – there is anger in her eyes and a fierce hatred that makes Zelenin take an involuntary step back. The girl’s arms, she now sees, are stained with blood as well, all but dripping as she raises one hand and points at Zelenin.

“I’ll come find you later,” the girl says, part threat and part dark promise that makes Zelenin’s eyes widen. She is powerful now, wielding all the considerable might of the angels with just a snap of her fingers, but this girl – this small, waifish girl – is all it takes to make her doubt herself again. She commands legions of angels and is on equal footing with the most powerful of them, but in that moment Zelenin feels as if she is back in Mitra’s dungeons, helpless and incapable of doing anything but to wait for her own demise. “But for now: _go_.”

With that the girl turns back to the dead crew member, bending down easily to pick up the body and carrying it in her arms as if it weighs nothing.

Zelenin flees before the girl can turn back around to her.

 

* * *

 

Mastema has never been particularly forthcoming with information. The matter of the strange girl, Zelenin quickly finds when she goes to him, is no different.

“Are you certain you were not simply imagining things? You are still getting used to all that comes with being an angel, after all.”

Zelenin shakes her head. “I saw her. Twice. Who is she?”

The angel looks at her, unblinking. Though Zelenin is now able to meet his eyes with the same level expression, there is still something unnerving about it – she’d call it inhuman, but that would be too obvious an answer. Mastema’s eyes are dead and cold, with nothing there to betray even the simplest emotion as he keeps his eyes fixed on hers.

“Do not let yourself be distracted,” is all he says in the end. “I do not know her or what she is doing here, but I am confident that she will not pose a problem.”

The lie, Zelenin notes, is what finally brings a glimmer of life to his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Always, a part of Zelenin is watching for the girl. But now it is not simple curiosity that keeps her alert for any sign of the blue dress – Zelenin remembers the way the girl had looked at her in Grus all too clearly. Moreover, she remembers the power that had been emanating from the slight figure: Zelenin knows that she herself is powerful now and has little to fear from common demons, but against that girl she is like a candle to an inferno.

So she keeps a wary eye on her surroundings and holds her considerable power ready to defend herself—

And of course, as with all things, it is when she least expects it that the girl returns.

“Zelenin.” The voice is high and cold, but devoid of the anger that had been laced through it the last time Zelenin had heard it – she casts a furtive glance around herself, then, somewhat more fearfully, behind her, but only when she looks up does she finally catch sight of the girl.

Bare feet dangling and an impossible breeze stirring her hair, the girl is sitting on top of one of the tall spires littering Eridanus’ higher floor. When their eyes meet she pats the empty space beside her in open invitation.

It is reckless, Zelenin knows it. But curiosity has ever been her undoing, and so she settles down next to the girl regardless.

After a moment, the girl turns her head and says, “You can call me Louisa Ferre, Zelenin. I was looking forward to properly meeting you.”

“Louisa Ferre,” Zelenin repeats with a nod, the name tingling on her tongue. With the way the girl is smiling at her it feels as if she is missing out on some grand joke, but Zelenin can’t for the life of her figure out what exactly it is.

Under Zelenin’s unamused glare Louisa lets out a high, forcedly-innocent laugh. Very briefly – longer than a second, less than a breath – she lets her true form flicker across her chosen appearance. Even with her enhanced senses Zelenin can’t grasp all of it, but even that brief glance is enough: she is certain that the image of black bat-like wings and pale horns and a brow so proud that Heaven itself balked at the sight will forever be imprinted in her mind.

“You,” Zelenin breathes. There’s more she should say, she knows, but her mind is blank and her body, gripped in the remnants of some animal instinct from her human life, is beginning to tremble.

Louisa lazily twirls a strand of hair between her fingers and gives Zelenin a coquettish smile. “Me.”

Zelenin gets the joke, now, and wishes she didn’t.

The two of them watch each other in complete silence for a few moments. Then, still with that damning smile on her face, Louisa drawls, “I told you I would come find you, didn’t I?”

Here, finally, is something for Zelenin to focus on, something to distract herself from the nightmare made flesh standing so close in front of her. “What were you doing with that crew member? Why did you—“

“Kill her?” Louisa interrupts. “Because she was tainted. Your song – she was so very human and you _took_ all of that from her.”

“I made her peaceful—“

“You took her humanity,” Louisa reiterates with biting force. “And unlike you, she was given nothing else in return. Although, looking at the way you are now – it would not have been much of a trade, to gain the power of the angels in return for everything that made her unique.”

Zelenin stares at her, stricken.

“You sicken me,” Louisa tells her, even as she stands up on her toes to place a gentle kiss to Zelenin’s cheek. “You had all of humanity’s infinite potential, and you chose _this_.”

With an affronted start Zelenin makes to reply, but Louisa cuts her off with a pointed look.

“But I suppose we must all choose our paths,” she laughs, “and I don’t fault you for doing what comes so naturally to your kind. The power of angels is intoxicating, isn’t it?”

Before she has time to think of a response Louisa reaches out to slowly caress Zelenin’s face. Zelenin tries to flinch back, but as soon as Louisa’s fingers touch her cheek there is a now-familiar flash of sensation – the hair is still blonde but longer, the wings still more plentiful than Zelenin has seen on any of the other angels but white and feathered instead of leathery dark.

As soon as Louisa draws back and lets her hand fall away, the vision vanishes. “I should know. We’re not that dissimilar, you know.”

Zelenin cocks her head at that. “You seem to have gotten some important things mixed up, there. You chose to abandon the angels, and you chose to abandon Heaven – you chose to abandon the Lord, Lucifer.” She looks at the girl with the sort of disdain she hasn’t felt since she last saw the atrocities Jack and his squad had committed. “We’re nothing alike.”

And Louisa Ferre, Star of the Morning, Fallen Angel and God’s oldest adversary – she simply laughs. “I keep forgetting how young you are. Don’t worry. You’ll learn.”

Zelenin bites down her anger and tries another track – she tells herself it is a need for answers rather than simple self-preservation that makes her cautious to anger Louisa, but she has never been very good at lying to herself.

“Why haven’t you tried to actively stop us? With the kind of power you wield, you could have ushered in the world you wished – but instead you chose to stay on the sidelines. Why?” Zelenin repeats the last question with a vehemence that surprises even herself.

“That’s the key word right there, isn’t it? ‘Actively.’ Unlike Mastema, I prefer to take a back seat to the endeavors of you humans – I guide, rather than lead.  I advise instead of order. It was worth a try – it is always worth a try – but I see now that this universe at least is lost to me. Congratulations, Zelenin! You’ve won! The World of Law awaits.” Louisa laughs heartily, while Zelenin only narrows her eyes even further. “And besides—“ She trails off with that impish smile once more playing around her lips.

“Yes?”

“There are worse legacies to leave behind. All you need is the smallest seed of doubt – and we are having this conversation now, aren't we? _You_ are my last gamble for this particular shard of the universe, Zelenin. And so perhaps one day, you’ll find yourself in much the same position as I once did. Will the Lord return for you and your new world, Zelenin?” Louisa lets the question hang heavily as she gets to her feet. Dusting off her dress, she looks down at Zelenin with an unreadable expression. “And what will you do if He does?”

This, Zelenin knows, is where she should proclaim her loyalty to the Lord and his angels. How she would never doubt Him, how she knows that whatever He has in store for her it will be just and good.

But she doesn’t.

For some reason she can’t even explain to herself, she keeps her mouth closed and simply returns Louisa’s inquisitive gaze. After a second, Louisa chuckles, and that’s the last straw – Zelenin lowers her head, averts her gaze, and when Louisa presses a soft kiss to her brow she lets it happen without protest.

“I’ll be seeing you around, Zelenin. Remember what I said.”

Louisa Ferre is gone in seconds, but it takes Zelenin a long, long time until she can gather up the energy to get back on her feet and leave as well.

 

* * *

 

Mem Aleph awaits.

Zelenin tells herself that over and over, repeating it in her head like a mantra to drown out the sight of Jimenez lying in his own blood, burnt skin and twisted limbs all that’s left of the man she once considered her teammate.

Mem Aleph awaits.

She leaves Jimenez behind. Steps over his body like it is nothing more than another piece of rubble, and in her head the glorious hymn of the angels grows louder and louder as the World of Law grows ever closer.

Mem Aleph awaits—

Out of the corner of her eye, Zelenin catches sight of a flash of blonde hair and the edges of a blue dress.

And despite herself, she shivers.


End file.
